if you would have told me...

if you would have told me
at this time last year,
that this time next year....

i would be living in d.c.
with goals and aspirations
enjoying time with my family
staying on top of house work (for the most part)
and that i would be more patient,
and feel again.

i would not have believed you.

this time last year,
i was going through some really messy stuff...
i couldn't imagine the future
i couldn't enjoy the little things
i didn't want to do anything
i mostly had to fake it
and it physically hurt to do house chores.

i had major anxiety and paranoia
and did not want to leave my house
but yet, in my home, felt trapped.

my daily saving grace
was walks with my friend cara and her kids
she lived in my neighborhood and would get us out
and walking and talking almost every morning.

once i started treatment for ppd
i started to slowly get better
some days were better than others
it was '2 steps forward, 1 step back'
and i had to 'fake it' for a long time.
but finally, around savio's first birthday
i really started to feel like myself again
and was able to graduate from therapy.

now i am really feeling like myself
obviously, there are rough days,
we all have them.

but i am so thankful
i love this time with my kids
 and i want to remember it forever.


  1. Such an honest post. One that most have taken a lot of courage to share. I'm currently learning to overcome fear, anxiety, and self doubt that has thrown me in a spiral bout of depression. And although mine isn't so much PPD, as my youngest will be turning 2 in a week, it's sometimes just comforting to know that it's real and we aren't alone. Thanks for sharing :)

    1. Thank you so much Amber! If you ever want to chat, send me an email! And happy birthday to your little one!! xoxox

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