if you would have told me...

if you would have told me

at this time last year,

that this time next year....

i would be living in d.c.

with goals and aspirations

enjoying time with my family

staying on top of house work (for the most part)

and that i would be more patient,

happy,

and feel again.

i would not have believed you.

this time last year,

i was going through some really messy stuff...

dealing with post partum depression and anxiety.

i couldn't imagine the future

i couldn't enjoy the little things

i didn't want to do anything

i mostly had to fake it

and it physically hurt to do house chores.

i had major anxiety and paranoia

and did not want to leave my house

but yet, in my home, felt trapped.

my daily saving grace

was walks with my friend cara and her kids

she lived in my neighborhood and would get us out

and walking and talking almost every morning.

once i started treatment for ppd

i started to slowly get better

some days were better than others

it was '2 steps forward, 1 step back'

and i had to 'fake it' for a long time.

but finally, around savio's first birthday

i really started to feel like myself again

and was able to graduate from therapy.

now i am really feeling like myself

obviously, there are rough days,

we all have them.

but i am so thankful

i love this time with my kids

 and i want to remember it forever.