this pregnancy.

every night before i fall asleep, i pray that nothing will happen to my sweet boy
i can't help but be nervous about every little thing going on with my body
each stage of pregnancy, there is a new thing to worry about
i make little goals for us and try to take it one day or week at a time

thankfully my little guy is very active
i love feeling a full belly and full heart
after my last pregnancies, i just didn't feel that
i had an empty belly and broken heart

twenty-four weeks is a big goal for us. it will be comforting to get to that point
but then we need to get to twenty-six and twenty-eight
just hearing the words 'labor and delivery' really scares me
because i don't have good memories of being there

my past pregnancies haunt me in my dreams
i wake up scared and in a cold sweat
thinking i'm going to find something i don't want to
i have to calm myself down and reassure myself it was a dream 
and everything is fine

when i think about lyla's birth and having a preemie, i just cry
 that can't happen again
keep praying

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