yesterday lyla had her second surgery to get another set of tubes put in her ears. my poor girl. she has been having issues with the old tubes since august.

i just hate taking her to surgery. i can't imagine what it's like for parents who have to take their kids to multiple surgeries. this surgery is so minor, but gave me major anxiety. i just felt bad that she had no idea what was about to happen.

i tried explaining to her what we were going to do on monday morning this weekend. but it's not easy.

yesterday morning, she was very happy, even when i snatched her out of her bed and put her in the car. even when we arrived at the hospital and checked in. even when they checked her vitals and she had to get changed into huge baggy hospital pjs. even when she was playing while we waited and the anesthesiologist checked her lungs.

that's what makes me feel so bad. she was so happy and going along with everything with no problem at all. not putting up a fight or anything. being so vulnerable.

and then when they tell her to go with them because she will get apple juice and they take her through those big scary doors, that just breaks my heart. because she is looking at me with those big eyes, trying to get verification from me and i have to put on a happy brave face and pretend like everything will be okay for her and she will just go get her apple juice.

and then she goes with two men she doesn't know, into a scary room and they put a mask on her and she passes out. then she wakes up in a crib with things attached to her and two women there she doesn't know, and she just screams until she sees a familiar face. i can't imagine how scary that must be for her.

my poor baby. babbo and her snuggled and rocked and she licked a popsicle for a while, then i got a turn to snuggle her. once she was stable and clear to go, she couldn't wait to get out of there, but didn't want me out of her sight. even though i sat in the front seat on the way home, i had to hold her sweet little hand the whole way home <3

once we were home, she started to feel much better. she got her cartoons and milk. then took a four hour nap. and was back to our lyla.

it's so hard to do these types of things with kids this age because it's so hard to explain to them simply what will be going on and then hope they will go along with it all. i really feel for those parents who have to put their children through surgeries that are much more complex and/or frequent. i can't imagine how hard it must be.


  1. Ugh. Breaks my heart. Poor thing. I get a feeling like this when I take Layla and Mariam to the doctor and they have to get a shot. I feel like I'm betraying them, because they don't know a shot is coming. So they look at me with that "why am I hurting, and you're just standing there letting it happen."

  2. Oh, how it hurts to be a parent sometimes. Our children are so dear, life sometimes just cracks our hearts wide open and more compassion than we've ever felt before rushes in. How sweet to hold our babies today.



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